On Rihanna Songs
Am not a big fan of Rihanna, really, which is ironic because i actually feel like her song Umbrella was MY song. Tho not voluntarily. it’s because of my name, ella. when it first came out, i cannot even order coffee from starbucks without the barrista singing it to me. “ella, ella, eh-eh…” and even years after, when i try to introduce my self, people would often say “ella, like the song?” and promptly sing it to me as if on cue, just like he did.
and then when we first got together, the song Only Girl was playing and it kind of stuck. and truly, during that time, he made me feel like the only girl in the world.. like i’m the only one he’ll ever love, like i’m the only one who knows his heart..
and then the whole time we were together i was deeply ridden with guilt, not that i was being unfaithful to him or anyone for that matter, but it sure as hell felt like it because i know in my heart what we had just was not right. I would be hurting way too many people in the process, especially with the complicated circumstances we both had.
it was as confusing as this song
and now, after some time has passed after what we had came to a bitter but inevitable end, still a rihanna song plays in my head, this time it is as if i was justifying what we had in my head and at the same time giving myself a reason why it had to end.
because truly, we found love in a hopeless place. at least i did.
and now that i can write about it, i feel like i am finally letting go. that i’ve moved on. i never had a proper goodbye with him. but through this, i feel like it’s off my chest now. i’ve had closure.
and now i’m left with only the fondest memories of him.
farewell. thank you.